2 years later he is still learning to take his medication. He is getting better with all of his relationships and is engaged to a girl who is willing to help him. He is learning about the ADHD and is trying, although like most kids its very hard but probably harder because he was diagnosed so late. He has a childhood of school habits to unlearn and learn a better way of doing things

His personal life has turned around and he is happier, not so angry with the world and looking forward to persuing a teaching degree. He does still have issues with his self-esteem. He questions his ability to do well in school and do things right with relationships but is learning, this will take some time.

I’m glad we know, makes us all feel better especially when he says he will get something done and it doesn’t happen. At least we know why and what we can do differently to make sure he gets the tasks done.

We will continue to learn!

My 7th grade son struggles with attention and is inconsistent in completing and turning in homework in his core classes. He excels in band, with absolutely no reminder of needing to practice! I’m sure some of you can relate.

In elementary the signs began to show, and then get progressively more noticeable in middle school due to the educational demands. Throughout that time we’ve taken just about every alternative measure to help keep him on track, including Neuro Feedback treatments. They work, but are costly and need to be somewhat ongoing.

Recently when I explained the situation he faced, he cried when he heard the term ADD, but I told him “you’re not broken, we don’t need to fix you…we just need to train your brain to stay organized.” In that moment he realized the challenge at hand and how we were going to tackle it, by documenting his planner, posting checklists in the house, writing things down….not much different than how many adults keep daily reminders.

Currently my biggest frustration with the public school system is the lack of “specific ADD” student support classes for this wide spread need. Although we’re currently in the process of obtaining the IEP for assistance, the school system has no specific courses geared toward thought organization, daily work documentation habits, tips to stay focused or help kids “remember” what was covered in class…etc…etc. Not to mention the one teacher that’s more detrimental to a student’s confidence & self esteem, then understanding of the challenges he faces!

At home we’ve implemented routines such as: 3×5 note card “checklist” on the front door w/everything that should be in his backpack including at least 4 pencils. Nightly run down of what was taught in each class, homework done at the table, review school planner documentation daily…etc…etc. Not only am I trying to implement a process to help him remember, by forming good reminder habits….I’m setting him up to succeed in life after schooling. Creating reminder habits he can use into adulthood.

Chore lists, Front Door Backpack Checklists…we have them and they are working. I’m still hesitant on medicating as I feel he needs more life skills then meds. This is a life changing experience one that has truly shown me that I’m still his biggest cheerleader and together we can do it…its shown him that HE CAN DO IT!

2 years later he is still learning to take his medication. He is getting better with all of his relationships and is engaged to a girl who is willing to help him. He is learning about the ADHD and is trying, although like most kids its very hard but probably harder because he was diagnosed so late. He has a childhood of school habits to unlearn and learn a better way of doing things

His personal life has turned around and he is happier, not so angry with the world and looking forward to persuing a teaching degree. He does still have issues with his self-esteem. He questions his ability to do well in school and do things right with relationships but is learning, this will take some time.

I’m glad we know, makes us all feel better especially when he says he will get something done and it doesn’t happen. At least we know why and what we can do differently to make sure he gets the tasks done.

We will continue to learn!

But, this year I moved her from a Christian school with a very challenging curriculum, to a Catholic school that specializes in children with different learning disabilities. Though we have decided to enroll her in a “regular” Catholic school next year, this experience has taught me so much. They don’t offer alot of social activities and they have basically taken the stress out of school.

Which made me start thinking about how we operate at home. I had to decide if I wanted a child that was not totally stressed out or if I wanted to keep her in every activity and demand that she make straight A’s. This year we didn’t do soccer and some of her other activities. We didn’t keep ourselves busy with things that really aren’t important, as you said. Instead, we started having more family game nights and spending more time with our daughter. I started reading books about how ADHD is really a gift and not a deficit. And it allowed us to see her for the beautiful, creative, sensitive, and loving child she is. We started showing more patient with her, stopped yelling at her to complete tasks in our time, started posting lists to help her keep focused…and I can’t tell you how this has helped our relationship with her. Instead of yelling about doing chores, I just direct her to the weekly chore sheet on the refrigerator. We also have an out-the-door checklist and a bedtime schedule posted. People come over and joke about the lists hanging around, but it’s what works for us (my husband also has ADHD!).

Sharing your information has really helped me to love my daughter just as God made her!

I lead an ADHD parent support group in my community now – to try to give back to parents just starting this journey. If I can impart some of the knowledge I’ve learned in the 100 or so books I’ve read, and all the experts I’ve consulted with, and all the experiences (good and bad) I’ve had with my son – that’s what I want to do. But I know they still have to learn the hard way. They have to experience it before they will change. The biggest change, the most common, that I see needs to be made – is to embrace it. So many parents are ashamed of this “disorder” their child has. They worry what people will think if they put their child on medication. What I wish for them is that they would have the confidence (and self-esteem….we’ve all suffered low self-esteem because we feel like we have failed at this thing called parenting when we see our kids struggle in the school system)… but what I wish for parents is that they would have the confidence to reject what others think and do what they think is best. We all just have to be content with knowing we are doing our best. We aren’t going to purposely make mistakes. But we will make mistakes – and that’s okay. That’s life!

Edward Hallowell’s book Superparenting for ADD helped me for the first time be able to explain to my son his ADHD in a positive way (and actually believe it). He’s 7th grade and into cool cars. I told him his ADHD meant that he had a race car brain – a Ferrari – super powerful and capable and AMAZING. But that he just had regular Toyota brakes. So, we need to increase the braking system with medication to help his race car brain work better at school. He loved the metaphor and so did I!!

Hallowell runs an ADHD summer camp on Lake Michigan that I think would be awesome – focusing on the positives. I read another great book by Jenifer Fox called Your Child’s Strengths and she recommends having your child figure out his strengths and what to focus on via an assessment at http://www.kolbe.com. The book really calls into question our American school system.

So, where am I now? I’m wanting to view ADHD more positively and focus on the my child’s strengths. Instead of viewing my child as unsuccessful because he isn’t doing well at school. I view the schools as unsuccessful because they aren’t teaching our children well. So, I have to supplement. I have to advocate more than I’d like. I have to train the teachers. I’m fighting at the State legislature for more money for education so kids can be successful. And our other child is going to private school for $20,000 a year because public schools are no where near ready to handle her needs (as they are even more than ADHD…we have learning disorders too).

I think that wraps up my thoughts on ADHD at this moment – it’s a gift that is unappreciated by some, but has the power to do great things for my child in the right hands.