Archive for the ‘chores’ Category
Looking back over the last ten years, one piece of equipment keeps showing up – the TIMER. Timers have been essential in our house. There are all sorts of timers – free ones on the computer or your microwave. Timers that come as a function on a watch or a cell phone. Iphones have special timer applications. There are visual timers, timers that buzz/flash/beep, timers that sing. (Here’s a whole page of reminder clocks.) We’ve used timers for all sorts of things – like on Halloween night we set the countdown for 30 minutes and let the kids eat all the candy they wanted. 
That is NOT a recommended use. Here are five ways to use a timer that I do recommend.
Setting a Deadline – This is probably the most negative of the ways to use a timer, so let’s get it out of the way first. Use a timer to specify a time that a task must be completed. You can give deadline for a chore or a part of an assignment to be done. “You must be finished emptying the dishwasher in fifteen minutes.” Or “You have ten minutes to write those three sentences.” If needed, add some teeth and give a consequence if a chore is not completed in the specified time. “Whatever toys are left on the floor in ten minutes will be taken away.”
Setting a Limit – FlyLady (of flylady.com, one of my favorites!) says that you can do anything for 15 minutes. She’s talking about house cleaning, and she’s right. Anybody can stand to mop for fifteen minutes, although for me it is hard! Your timer can be used to point out that the end of a dreaded task or activity is near.
For example, if your child dreads math, set the timer for ten minutes, and tell him when the timer goes off, he can have a break. Set the timer for ten minutes, and tell your kids that you’re all going to work as hard as you can to clean out the car.
Put a timer beside a child who is in time out, so they can watch the end of their ‘sentence’ approach. Give a child ‘five more minutes’ of bedtime reading, after which light are out. Limit screen time with the free online-stopwatch.com. My mom used to use a kitchen timer for my piano practice. Use a timer to help kids take turn with the Wii or the computer.
When Ron was two, he used to have a melt down every time my husband left for work. While his emotion was real, he needed to learn to get it out and get it over with. Thirty minutes of a screaming two year old is really too much… Finally, I told Ron he was allowed to cry for ten minutes in what we called our tantrum chair, which was in our living room away from the family. After that, his tantrum had to stop. And it did – especially because he had no audience. (One of my favorite stories is “The Tantrum Chairs”, which tells about how my husband and I almost burned our legs off trying to impress a preschool teacher. It’s a really funny tale of my housekeeping, parenting, and cleaning – um – ‘skills’. You can read it here.)
Stay on Task Reminder – When our guys were young, they fought over our Triple Tell Timer, which they could program to beep, vibrate, and/or flash at various intervals. The Triple Tell basically took the place of me nagging them to stay on task.
Challenges – Tell your kids to do as many math problems as they can before time is up. Challenge kids to estimate the amount of time they spend on a task – teaching them to budget their time better. Calculate words read per minute. Keep a record of ‘best time’ for reading, math, or spelling, and have kids try to beat their personal best while keeping comprehension and accuracy up.
To Do Reminders – There are timers – especially watches – that have reminder functions on them. They can remind you of appointments or when it’s time to head to soccer practice. They can be programmed to give reminders to take (or dispense) medication.
My favorite? One of my sons left his cell phone near where I was cooking the other day. At 3:00 it buzzed, and I instinctively looked down to see what the screen said. My son had set himself a reminder: “PRAY.”
A good reminder for us all.
PS The Triple Tell Timer makes a great gift or stocking stuffer. Grab yours today!
We have another great hint on getting kids to do chores from Molly Donnelly, who graciously gave me permission to include her name and her method!
For my kids I have printed out and laminated cleaning cards for each chore. If they have to do the bathroom, they take the card and it lists for them step-by-step instructions so nothing gets forgotten-spray the sinks, toilet and shower with cleaner, wipe down shower and rinse, clean the inside of the bowl and wipe down the outside and floor around it, wipe down the sink and counter, use a clean cloth to dry the sink and counter, wipe down the mirror, use another clean cloth to dry it, mop the floor last. They can check off the instructions with dry erase markers as they go. I have included cards for their bedrooms, vacuuming and mopping floors and dusting rooms. (Don’t forget the moldings and picture frames!) It works for us!
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A reader sent this in last newsletter. It makes me want to go do chores with her!
I wanted to throw something out there for working moms who feel like they’re always picking up “everyday clutter” constantly, and have a hard time staying organized and caught up.
I have two children, ages 8 and 14, with ADD (one inattentive, one hyperactive). I have found that when I say, “clean your room, and help pick up the house”, I don’t always get a good response, at least not to my satisfaction. Being a working mom, I have had to let go of having the show-room look, but I do like to keep things picked up. So, about once a week, after dinner, I say, “alright, everyone … it’s time to play WHAT’S NEXT?!” At first I get groans, and sighs, but they get into the “game” pretty quickly. Here’s what we do. We start at one end of the house, and I literally hand out commands, left and right, such as “Go empty this trash can, and bring back a new trash bag with it”, “Grab the broom for me”, “go put the Rainbow vacuum together for me, including water in the bowl”, “take this laundry to the laundry room”, “go put this hairbrush in the bathroom drawer (not sure why it’s in the middle of the living room)”, “pick up all the little air-soft gun BB’s in this room”, etc.
While they’re “gone”, I wipe down cabinets and mirrors, vacuum that room, dust, etc. , always looking for what they can do as soon as they get back, sometimes looking into the next room, so that no time is wasted. The goal is for them to run do the task, and come back and say, “WHAT NEXT!?” Of course, it turns into a contest for who can run do their task, and make it back before the other one.
It turns into a lot of fun, and the whole house gets clean, except for the mopping and laundry, which I’m glad to do, since my whole house just got a good basic cleaning in less than an hour or so. Oh yes, and each time, I add “wipe down the base boards”, “dust the blinds”, and/or “dust the ceiling fans” (well, I do this last one) on just one room in the house, so that all of these things get a once-over every few weeks. They also get the benefit of having help with the basics of their own room (especially the 8-year-old), since we’re all working together, helping each other. For anyone with more than one child, anyway, this is a great way to get a lot done, very quickly, without having to spend a whole weekend cleaning.
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I’ve made two blog posts about chores, recently:
The Chore of Chores discusses the importance of getting our kids to do chores. Chore List lists guidelines for deciding which chore a child can do.
The fact remains, however, that kids don’t like to do chores. So how do you get them to cooperate?
Do chores together. Everything is more fun with a partner. Work side by side with your child. Have your child clear the table while you wash the dishes. One of you vacuum while the other folds laundry. (Pick up those feet!) One take things off the shelves while the other dusts and wipes down the whole piece of furniture. Buy two rakes. Have a race and clean out two kitchen cabinets. See who can match the most socks. Chop vegetables together. Your child can pick up toys while you get out spring clothes.
You can also do unrelated chores – you pay bills while your child cleans the kitchen. It’s the companionship – and the oversight – that matters the most. And when possible, make a point to have a positive conversation going on.
Put on some music. Flylady is a great advocate of putting on some loud and happy music while doing chores. It’s hard to go slow or be lazy while listening to “I’m So Excited” by the Pointer Sisters. And yes, I just dated myself.
Time limit. Break out that timer and fire it up. “Ten minutes to put up the groceries, Ash!” Or, offer an incentive. “Clean the bathroom mirror well in under five minutes and I’ll swab the toilet.”
Lower your standards. I gave up long ago on trying to keep the kitchen towels separate from the kitchen rags. Now they just go in one drawer, and I know which is which. And that beautifully ornate toothbrush holder that never got clean? I ditched it for one that can be easily rinsed. Don’t match your socks – just throw them in one basket. Don’t use top sheets on your beds, just use a comforter. There are some things in your house that aren’t worth the bother it takes teaching your kids to maintain them. You know the ones that are the most important to you – the ones truly worth the trouble.
There are other standards that may need to go. Don’t require a perfectly made bed. (I am embarrassed to say that I still don’t require a made bed at all…) Don’t make your kids hang up the towels perfectly. I’m not saying to let your child do things halfway. But there is a happy medium. You just have to find it.
Bribe. Not really. I once read that a bribe was a payment for doing something bad. Any payment for doing something good was called a paycheck. Consider paying your child – in cash or in privileges – for some chores.
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In a recent post, I listed five reasons that is important for us to make sure our kids do chores. You can read the list on the ADHD-Inattentive blog. But just how do we assign chores that our kids can – and will – do? Here’s your chore list:
It’s important to match the chore to the child. When you assign chores, take your child’s age, ability and personality into account. From the moment they are out of the high chair, a child can ‘dump their plate’ and put it in the sink. I have sweet memories of our little ones reaching over their heads to lob their dishes (plastic, of course) into the water. A two year old can sort and put away silverware, feed the dog (dry food) and put produce into the appropriate drawers in the refrigerator. They can also put toys where they belong – if you have assigned spots for each. A five year old can fold towels, set the table, water the dog, sweep the floor, dust, and make a bed. Most ten year olds can iron their own clothes, cook a simple meal, take the recycling bin to the street, and mop. By the time kids are twelve, there isn’t a whole lot they can’t do around the house – except drive the car!
Despite the above guidelines, some kids aren’t ready to do some chores. If you give a child a chore and they are genuinely overwhelmed with the skill involved, then assign something else. Our last son Ash, for example, has always been a whiz at cleaning out the cabinet that holds all the plastic containers and their lids. Our second son, however, was truly clueless on any of the organizational principles involved. Don’t be fooled, however. Kids can be real masters at feigning inability and ignorance.
Try not to give your child too many chores that they absolutely hate. I, for example, hate to mop. (I’ve mentioned this before…) Were I a child, I would not assign myself mopping as a daily chore. If your child likes to be outside, give her more outdoor jobs. And if your son likes to be in the kitchen, give him responsibilities there.
Give specific instructions. Your child – especially if they are ADHD – needs for you to explain exactly what you expect for them to accomplish. Don’t just say, “Clear off the table.” Give step by step instructions, and you may want to write them down and post them:
1. Fill up the sink with water, and put all the silverware in the bottom.
2. Put lids back on all the containers like milk and ketchup and put them away. (NOT in the medicine cabinet, please.)
3. Use napkins and wipe the extra food on the plates into the trash or compost, then put the plates into the sink.
4. Put away everything else. The salt and pepper shakers and the napkin holder stay on the table. You don’t put them away.
5. Use a wet rag and wipe off the table. Pick up the salt and pepper shakers and napkin holder and wipe under them.
6. Push the chairs under the table.
Keep reminding for momentum. For long chores (you know, the ones more than 2 minutes!), your child might lose focus. Reminders are often necessary. You can give verbal reminders (sometimes known as nagging), flash lights, or set off a timer to ding at regular intervals. Our boys used to fight over the Triple Tell Timer. (We have a whole page of recommended timers and reminders here.) Another option is to put on a song, and tell your child the end of the song is her cue to get back on track. We’ve also tried giving rewards for finishing a chore within a certain amount of time.
Do a quality check. This is the downfall of many a chore. Don’t expect perfection, but do expect your child to have done their very best. And if they haven’t, make them do it over (and maybe over again – and again). They will be very offended as you point out their mistakes. Don’t cave.
Recognize a job well done. Whether you offer verbal praise, a financial reward, or an hour of television or gaming – thank your child for their help, and affirm their efforts.
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Chores. Do you ever feel like giving chores is more of a chore for you than for your kid? My boys never got over the need to be nagged to do their chores. We had a checklist*, which helped immensely, but the boys themselves never morphed into creatures that walked in from school and immediately started to empty the trash.
Chores, however, are very important – for several reasons.
ADHD children are, by nature, self-centered. They often lack the ability to feel what someone else is feeling, or think like someone else. So they reckon that if they aren’t upset by the dirty pair of underwear dropped in the living room (don’t ask), then nobody else is upset either. Chores remind a child that they are revolving with the world – not in the center of it.
Chores are a fact of life, and part of parenting is preparing a child for life. Everyone eventually needs to how to make a bed, iron a shirt, mop a floor, and wash the dishes. Two of our boys no longer live at home, and each of them have expressed that they are glad they know how to do such tasks. I quote, “Man. Those guys are so stupid. They don’t even know how to work a washing machine.”
Chores also teach a child to do something he or she hates. Adults do dreaded tasks every day. Giving your child chores prepares them for this grim reality. For example, it requires a lot of self discipline for me to mop the kitchen floor. I don’t mind folding laundry, vacuuming or dusting, and I love to clean out closets. But mopping? I’d rather take the proverbial beating. Nonetheless, mopping has to be done. So, to prepare them for the rigors of adulthood, my boys have to mop quite a lot.
Theoretically, chores give a child a sense of pride in their work, and a feeling of ownership in your home. Quite frankly, my boys disproved this theory. It really does sound good on paper, and probably holds true in your house. Or maybe not.
Finally, chores are great for you because you need the help. Running a house is a cooperative effort, and you are doing yourself and everyone else a disservice if you try to go it alone. Delegate. Divide and conquer. Share the joy. And maybe you’ll never have to mop the kitchen floor again!
I read this post out loud to our youngest, and when I finished he informed me that if he followed my example and taught his children to mop, that he wouldn’t have to learn how now.
Despite his wrangling for the contrary, my boys have chores. I developed some simple charts to use with my guys. They aren’t sophisticated, but they sure helped. Email me at goaskmom AT..goaskmom.com if you’d like for me to email you a copy. 
Take a look at My Magnetic Responsibility Chart for 2008 from Melissa and Doug. This very attractive chart was recommended by a reader. Designed for younger children, it’s flexible and easy for non-readers to use. Kids get the pleasure of moving a magnetic piece when a task is accomplished.
Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.