Archive for the ‘life skills’ Category
Looking back over the last ten years, one piece of equipment keeps showing up – the TIMER. Timers have been essential in our house. There are all sorts of timers – free ones on the computer or your microwave. Timers that come as a function on a watch or a cell phone. Iphones have special timer applications. There are visual timers, timers that buzz/flash/beep, timers that sing. (Here’s a whole page of reminder clocks.) We’ve used timers for all sorts of things – like on Halloween night we set the countdown for 30 minutes and let the kids eat all the candy they wanted. 
That is NOT a recommended use. Here are five ways to use a timer that I do recommend.
Setting a Deadline – This is probably the most negative of the ways to use a timer, so let’s get it out of the way first. Use a timer to specify a time that a task must be completed. You can give deadline for a chore or a part of an assignment to be done. “You must be finished emptying the dishwasher in fifteen minutes.” Or “You have ten minutes to write those three sentences.” If needed, add some teeth and give a consequence if a chore is not completed in the specified time. “Whatever toys are left on the floor in ten minutes will be taken away.”
Setting a Limit – FlyLady (of flylady.com, one of my favorites!) says that you can do anything for 15 minutes. She’s talking about house cleaning, and she’s right. Anybody can stand to mop for fifteen minutes, although for me it is hard! Your timer can be used to point out that the end of a dreaded task or activity is near.
For example, if your child dreads math, set the timer for ten minutes, and tell him when the timer goes off, he can have a break. Set the timer for ten minutes, and tell your kids that you’re all going to work as hard as you can to clean out the car.
Put a timer beside a child who is in time out, so they can watch the end of their ’sentence’ approach. Give a child ‘five more minutes’ of bedtime reading, after which light are out. Limit screen time with the free online-stopwatch.com. My mom used to use a kitchen timer for my piano practice. Use a timer to help kids take turn with the Wii or the computer.
When Ron was two, he used to have a melt down every time my husband left for work. While his emotion was real, he needed to learn to get it out and get it over with. Thirty minutes of a screaming two year old is really too much… Finally, I told Ron he was allowed to cry for ten minutes in what we called our tantrum chair, which was in our living room away from the family. After that, his tantrum had to stop. And it did – especially because he had no audience. (One of my favorite stories is “The Tantrum Chairs”, which tells about how my husband and I almost burned our legs off trying to impress a preschool teacher. It’s a really funny tale of my housekeeping, parenting, and cleaning – um – ’skills’. You can read it here.)
Stay on Task Reminder – When our guys were young, they fought over our Triple Tell Timer, which they could program to beep, vibrate, and/or flash at various intervals. The Triple Tell basically took the place of me nagging them to stay on task.
Challenges – Tell your kids to do as many math problems as they can before time is up. Challenge kids to estimate the amount of time they spend on a task – teaching them to budget their time better. Calculate words read per minute. Keep a record of ‘best time’ for reading, math, or spelling, and have kids try to beat their personal best while keeping comprehension and accuracy up.
To Do Reminders – There are timers – especially watches – that have reminder functions on them. They can remind you of appointments or when it’s time to head to soccer practice. They can be programmed to give reminders to take (or dispense) medication.
My favorite? One of my sons left his cell phone near where I was cooking the other day. At 3:00 it buzzed, and I instinctively looked down to see what the screen said. My son had set himself a reminder: “PRAY.”
A good reminder for us all.
PS The Triple Tell Timer makes a great gift or stocking stuffer. Grab yours today!
After I posted ADHD – What We Did Right yesterday, it showed up on my Facebook page. I got the most glowing comments – all of which would have gone to my head had I not know that – today was coming. So here it is…my tip of the iceburg list of all the things that I did WRONG.
Trust me, this post would be way too long if I listed them all. Yelling, inconsistency, throwing a tomato (yes I did), not taking supplements, talking about it too much…Sigh. I’ll depress myself if I think about it. So here are three of our TOP mistakes.
Not Learning Together – Since at some point Ron did assume responsibility for his schoolwork, we took a pretty hands off approach to his education all through high school. My big regret, however, is that I didn’t keep up with what he was studying. (Maybe because I was too busy with the other boys…) I know that there were times he could have learned more if we had discussed what he was reading, or related what he learned in science or history to what we saw on the news. He has struggles now because he doesn’t know how to do things I could have taught him. I must add, however, that he resisted our every attempt to help. But that doesn’t keep me from feeling guilty about it…
Not Reading Aloud – If I had it to do over again, I’d read textbook chapters out loud to my boys. Not only does this help to ensure the material is read, it helps to gauge attention and understanding. Reading aloud also gives a chance to model how to preview and review. It offers opportunity to relate what is being read to experiences and knowledge unique to your family or child. When your child doesn’t understand a concept, reading aloud gives you the chance to rephrase and explain until the idea is mastered. And (see above!) it helps you to be aware of what your child is studying.
Not Getting 504’s Joe had a 504. Ron and Mike did not. We tried to get them one in high school, but the process was so complicated by then that we didn’t. Since we had great support from teachers, it didn’t change much. But it would have been nice if they would have had extra time on state tests, an accomodation they may have been allowed. In hindsight, we should have asked that they be given 504’s as soon as they were diagnosed. Our rationale then was that we wanted to avoid the label. In hindsight, it was a mistake. Read more about 504 plans.
And now we’re here. Our journey with ADHD is not finished. Our boys didn’t outgrow it, and will always have it. Then (hopefully!!) they’ll have their own children, and odds are that we’ll revisit the same path. Ten years in, I’m grateful for the help I’ve had along the way, the friends I’ve made.
I’m grateful to and humbled by you, the readers, for sticking with me through my ramblings and ranting, my hope and my despair. Thank you for sharing your stories, trading your hints, understanding each other’s frustrations.
And now – for all of us – here’s to the next ten!
PS I’m still new at this blogging thing, and should have asked you this yesterday. So – here’s your chance. Go back to yesterday’s post, scroll down to the comments and tell what you did right!
When we think about ADHD, we often focus (no pun intended – promise) on the attention issue. But I’ve often addressed the fact that attention is just the first of the challenges our kids face. Often their struggles include social issues. They may be too shy,too forward, too quirky, too active, too – whatever. But the fact remains that they end up on the sidelines, the last chosen for a sport, the uninvited guest to the party. It’s so hard somtimes for our kids to make friends.
Many of us have been in their shoes. You yourself may know what it’s like to be a
painfully shy child or teen. You may know exactly what it’s like to be yourself, and
to have no one want to connect. But who wants to wait years for their child to “grow
out” of it?
Ellen Braun (you may know her from The Animal School) tackles the whole spectrum of childhood social issues – from kindergarten to teen -
in her new ebook, “From Awkward Solitude to Blessed Friendship”, which you can find
right now at www.helpyourchildmakefriends.com/
Her unique perspective will take you from `simple’ shyness to more specialized problems – like ADHD. It will help defuse the fear of facing childhood issues and show you how to help your child solve his problem without anxiety… or quickly determine
the right `next step’ to take.
It provides you with:
• All the expert advice in one place
• Ideas and strategies suited to almost every cause and situation
• Step-by-step instructions to simplify the process
• Concepts that target various types of personalities
If social anxiety or shyness is something your child is struggling with right now –
whether they’re just starting kindergarten or well into their teens – this might be
exactly the resource you both need today! Don’t let your child suffer one more
minute of social anxiety. Download and check it out right now at www.helpyourchildmakefriends.com/
PS By the way, if you’ve not seen it – or even if you have – take a look at Ellen’s wonderful video “Animal School” at www.raisingsmallsouls.com/.
When Ron was in his second year of college, he signed up for his first 8:00 class. This was a huge deal for him, as he has always been a chronic oversleeper. Lots of ADHD kids are. Nevertheless, I quit waking him up while he was in high school; when he oversleeps, it’s his problem. (He has walked the four miles to school.)
At the beginning of college, Ron simply scheduled later classes. But one semester a class he really wanted to take was only offered at 8:00. So he signed up. To make sure he wakes up, he has set THREE alarm clocks and his cell phone. He also has asked my husband to check on him and see if he’s up. (Wonder why he didn’t ask me?!)
One of Ron’s alarm clocks was EXTRA LOUD, as is the clock pictured at the right. These loud alarms make great clocks for ADHD, and may go a long way toward helping your ADHD child become responsible for getting up on his or her own. Get you a clock for ADHD here.
PS For during the day, check out our page of ADHD timers.
The New Year has always been a time to reflect on the past, and look forward to the future. The name “January” actually comes from the name of the Roman god Janus, who has two faces for standing at the threshold and looking backwards and forwards in time.
Take a minute and look back on your year with your kids. Start with the accomplishments they have made – big and small. Think about:
Academics (made it to regionals on her science project)
Organization (kept up with his bookbag the entire year)
Personal responsibility (remembered to feed the dog without being nagged too often)
Interpersonal relationships (often overheard him complimenting his little brother)
Physical changes (lost three teeth)
Spiritual growth (saw faith in action when she was kind when it was really hard)
Attitude (it really is a decision…)
Now look forward, and let your child go through the list and set some goals for the next year. Keep these things in mind:
Make sure the goals are realistic. If your child isn’t innately organized, steer him away from promising to keep his bookbag pristinely neat. Instead, purpose to clean out the bookbag each Sunday night.
State the goals as encouragement – and not criticisms couched as goals. Just imagine your sister-in-law telling you, “Why don’t you set a goal to keep a cleaner car?”
Let the goals come from your child’s desire for self improvement, and not the other way around. You’ve heard it said many times that you can’t change to please others, but only for yourself. Your child is the same. Be sensitive to the areas in which she would like to grow, and help her set her sights on these things.
While the goals don’t have to be measurable, determine how you’ll know the goal has been met. If your child’s goal is improving in spelling, you can measure it by grades. If, however, the resolution is to improve her attitude about chores, decide on a way that you’ll know she’s making progress.
Write down the goal. Put it on the calendar, in a notebook, or save it on your computer. You’ll want to come back next year and measure your child’s growth and progress.
Make the goal your own. Help your child meet their goals. Don’t (okay – TRY not to) nag, and don’t do it for them. But guide your child toward success. Because success breeds success. And may next January see you both looking back on progress and forward to even more growth!
PS After you finish with your child’s goals, set some for yourself. Do you want to be more organized? Lose weight? Get out of debt? Have more patience? Read the Bible through? Floss every day? Set your goals, act as a model for your kids – and have a Happy New Year!
Recently, our oldest came home from college for a weekend, homework in tow. I know the child is 23 years old, but I was happy that he was able to find the assignment (okay, so it was online, but still). I was even happier that he had the correct book.
Ron’s homework was to write a comprehensive summary of three chapters in one of his business textbooks. Talk about boring. He’s pretty interested in it, though. He explained enough to show me he had a good grasp of the subject, although for the life of me I can’t remember what it was.
We had a good discussion about how hard it is for him to write. It’s still hard for him to focus, and it’s still hard for him to get his thoughts on paper. Here are some of the highlights of our conversation:
Ron: “I’m having a hard time with this I can’t summarize it like I want.” Me: “Just go through the chapter and summarize the topic sentence of each paragraph.”
Ron: “How’s that going to prepare me for real life? I want it to be in my own words. I might have to write a business report one day.”
“You’ll have a secretary. And it will be in your own words. Don’t over complicate things! Just get it over with. DO it.”
Good grief. He wanted to rewrite the chapter. It was a summary – not a research paper. The purpose of a summary is to summarize!
I reminded him to go through the chapter and make an outline with all the headings. He had done that already. (Does this that he was listening to me when he was in high school?)
Ron: “Writing isn’t as easy for me as it is for you and Ash.” Me: “Walking into a room full of friends and being friends with everybody in five minutes isn’t as easy for me as it is for you.”
“I just can’t get it from my brain onto the paper. I can talk about this until I’m blue in the face, but when I try to put it on paper, I blank out.” At this point, we’ve moved from a discussion to a rant, and he’s procrastinating. “That’s called a screen, bud. 21st century. Look at it and type.”
Ron still is frustrated by his difficulties. He still procrastinates. He’s still disorganized, although not overwhelmingly so. Ron still won’t do things that really would help – like speak his thoughts into a recorder, then transcribe them. Ron still works best in short spurts. He’d set a goal, work madly until he met it, then stop and play a video game or get something to eat. Ron is learning, and enjoying the learning, but not the studying. But at the end of the day, Ron is succeeding!
During one of the his breaks, I read him the story I’d written about one nightmare of a weekend when he left one of his assignments in his jeans pocket – and I washed it. It’s an hysterical story, one that will sound way familiar to you. Read it on the blog at http://www.adhd-inattentive.com/114, and you’ll understand I can write things like Waking Up from the Homework Nightmare.
Anyhow, while I was reading I left out his name, and when I finished, Ron said, “Who was that?!”
You’ve come a long way, buddy.
PS If you’ve not read Waking Up from the Homework Nightmare, you really owe it to yourself to grab a copy before your next homework nightmare begins!
If your child is in elementary school and keeps forgetting the same things, type up a “to do” list and tape it to their desk. When one of our sons was in fourth grade, the teacher had encouraged her children children to do this – not just ADHD kids. I saw ‘how to label a paper’, ‘what to pack for home’, ‘what to unpack in the morning’, and ‘before I speak’. (I’m not saying whose that was!) It’s a life skill to make lists, so all children should learn how.
If in the chaos of changing classes, your middle schooler can’t remember what’s needed for each class, here’s a hint for you. It was sent in by Barbara. “My eleven year old son…just started middle school. Everyday he leaves with an index card in his back pocket. On the index card is his schedule for that particular day. We list the subjects in order along with the classroom locations. He is allowed two locker stops during the day and one at the end of the day. On the index card we note the times for locker stops with a bold black line. Then he knows which books to take with him to classes, until the next locker stop. Otherwise he would probably carry all of his books with him, all day long, for fear he would forget something. It works for us!”
Get your children in the habit of saying positive things. One family I know has a “best thing” time each night at dinner. Each member of the family – even the teenagers! – tells the most positive thing that happened to them that day. Another encouraging exercise is to go around the table and have each person say something positive about the other family members. Of course, our oldest son’s favorite compliment used to be, “He’s got an awesome big brother.” Ron turned 23 yesterday. He’d probably say the same thing if we did this tonight. 
Our school recently sent home an email asking parents to list the skills that were important for a child to know before graduating from high school – and not just academic things. Among other things, I listed: balancing a checkbook, changing a diaper, basic car/home maintenance, filling out a tax return. I started early teaching my boys life skills. At age three, they could make a sandwich. At five, they could use the stove – with supervision. When they were in 5th grade, they were introduced to the iron without supervision. My husband has taught our boys how to change the oil and jumpstart a car. He’s helped them to replace a plug and install a smoke detector. And yesterday, I kid you not, he spent about 15 minutes talking one of our boys through how to change a lightbulb…Actually, it was a turning signal bulb that was stuck. It broke while our boy was trying to unscrew it, and then it broke.
What do you think? Beyond Algebra and the Electoral College, what life skills are you teaching your children? I’ll be posting reader responses on Monday.
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