Who Put the Ketchup in the Medicine Cabinet?

One of our readers is in a contest, and you can help her win with one click. As the coowner of Big Dog Taekwon-Do school, she’s in a competition to be named a leading mom in business. Many of her students have ADHD. Here’s what she says: “We have heard from parents and professionals alike that participation in a program like ours helps improve focus because we do emphasize so much self awareness and self control. We are attempting to influence as many young people as we can to not only teach them valuable self defense skills but to help them learn to be more self confident!” Please take a second and go vote here! You don’t have to sign up, give your email, or get cookied in any way.

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Speaking of remembering, some of you have been asking about our second son, whose ADHD was the inspiration for “Who Put the Ketchup in the Medicine Cabinet?” back in 2002. I haven’t mentioned him in almost two years, because he joined the US NAVY, and was attending boot camp and undergoing a security check. I was paranoid that something I had written about him – good or bad – would cause him embarrassment or worse. So I didn’t bring him up – hard to do when you’re bursting with pride!

But, I’m breaking my silence. Boot camp, over a year of schooling, and the security clearance are behind us, and our son now has orders for five years. If you had told me two years ago how well the NAVY life would have suited this boy, I would not have believed you. But what a fit!

First of all, his schooling in the NAVY had a singular focus. Rather than having four classes at various times in the week, he had one class all day (and sometimes night…) long. He didn’t have to shift his brain from math to English to science. A lot of his learning was in front of a computer screen, and still more was hands on.

The NAVY also provides the structure and order our son has always craved. Since he was so unstructured and unordered in his brain, he always looked to find this externally. Think about the military: routines, schedules, acronyms, color coding, even the cadences. He knows what to expect. And where to go when, with whom, and for how long. These have been very comfortable – and comforting – to our son.

My husband and I are tough disciplinarians. But our discipline pales in comparison to the dire consequences doled out by mother NAVY to the Sailors who don’t get their schoolwork done. The threat of chipping paint for six long years terrified our son. And made him study. And succeed! I do have to add that he very often drew from the arsenal of techniques that we taught him. Including the Memory Training mentioned before. (Did you check it out? Send the link to someone else?)

The Navy has eliminated a lot of mundane worries from our boy’s life. He doesn’t have to think about paying rent or utilities. Most of the time, he doesn’t have to worry about what to wear. Food is taken care of, and he still eats healthy like he always has.

There are still a lot of personal responsibilities and challenges – laundry and supplies and haircuts, finding his way around, keeping up with orders, internet connections, financial decisions, and waking up on time…He also has trouble remembering that you can’t jump up and hit the top of the ceiling like he did (does) at home. He’s in the NAVY and is no longer our dependent, but he’ll always be our kid!

Is the Navy for every ADHD kid? Of course not. But for our son, it has been perfect. He is beyond happy – happier than we’ve ever seen him. He’s succeeding. He’s well-liked. He’s learning and growing. We would have never guessed that this was the path for this homebody of a son. But God knew, and we give full credit to Him for guiding our son’s footsteps.

And now I’ve made myself cry.
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It’s funny how kids grow up and thank you…without saying so. Ron asked me yesterday for a copy of something we used with the boys when they were in middle and high school. He rolled his eyes at it back then. But now he’s got a class where he has to memorize a whole lot of stuff. He wanted me to send him the .mp3’s of Memory Training for Students. He remembered how well it worked when he had to learn a lot of material way back when.

It’s been so long since I’ve mentioned Memory Training for Students that most of you readers probably aren’t familiar with it. Memory Training for Students teaches very powerful techniques to solve the problem of memorizing the information students need to know. It’s great for school, and it’s great for life. (Yes, I’ve used the stuff!) If you and your child have reviewed information over and over, only to have it disappear at test time or shortly thereafter, you need Memory Training. The program is an instant download of a set of five audio .mp3’s and a workbook. They are fun to listen to, and easy to follow. Go check it out now, and then forward this newsletter to others – your child’s teacher, your best friend, your family… (Unbelievably, after 24 years I’m guilty as charged…)

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We have another great hint on getting kids to do chores from Molly Donnelly, who graciously gave me permission to include her name and her method!

For my kids I have printed out and laminated cleaning cards for each chore. If they have to do the bathroom, they take the card and it lists for them step-by-step instructions so nothing gets forgotten-spray the sinks, toilet and shower with cleaner, wipe down shower and rinse, clean the inside of the bowl and wipe down the outside and floor around it, wipe down the sink and counter, use a clean cloth to dry the sink and counter, wipe down the mirror, use another clean cloth to dry it, mop the floor last. They can check off the instructions with dry erase markers as they go. I have included cards for their bedrooms, vacuuming and mopping floors and dusting rooms. (Don’t forget the moldings and picture frames!) It works for us!
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If your child faces tests or exams at the end of the grading period, start NOW to review material. You don’t have to wait until the exam is announced, thanks to a little section in almost every textbook called the chapter review. These only take a few minutes to read out loud to your child, and will begin to wake up the memory of the material they have already covered. We got the calendar out, divided the chapters up and for the next few nights, we’ll be going back over them. We’ll also review any notes that they have managed to save. It won’t take long, but it will give us all a leg up on the exams that are such a short time away.

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My aunt is widowed, and when my grandmother passed away a few years ago, she needed an escort to the funeral. Mike, who was fifteen, volunteered to be the man of the hour. He was really pleased with the opportunity – especially since it meant he could ride in the limousine! He was very interested in being the perfect gentleman, so we let him practice opening doors, putting a lady into a car, helping someone into a pew, and walking with someone on his arm. Knowing manners and basic etiquette gives our children a boost of confidence, and an edge over most of their peers.

Hint: In our casual society, one of the few places to see these formal manners in use is at a wedding. Next time you’re invited to one, take (or drag!) your kids along. Black tie is optional!
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Sometimes, we get so caught up in life that we forget how little effort it takes to have fun. The other day I was taking our youngest son Ash back to school from an orthodontist appointment. We had stopped at a stoplight, when I thought my son was going to explode. “LOOOOK! A Viper!” For those of you who don’t know, a Viper is a car. My son’s favorite. And he’d never seen one live and in person. The Viper driver was pumping gas, and my son just about crawled out of the window.

I immediately thought about pulling into the station to give my son a closer look. But I would have had to go through the light, turned around, and moved across two lanes of traffic. And I was in a hurry.

So I didn’t stop.

I should have stopped. I denied my son an opportunity to have a little fun added to his day. I should have stopped!

Last week, after a follow up appointment, we passed the service station where my son saw the Viper, and Ash said, “Mom! That’s where I saw the Viper!” I could have cried. His memory could have been seeing the Viper up close, and knowing that his mom would go and extra ½ mile for him to do so. It was such a little thing, and I blew off my chance to add a little bit of “special” to my son’s day. It would have been fun for him -and for me, too!

So, I hereby crown myself as “Bad Mother of the Year”.

I resolve to do better – to have more fun with life, and I challenge you to do the same. Here are some ways that you – and I – can add a little more fun into your kids’ lives – and to yours.

• On a cold morning – warm up all your kids’ clothes in the dryer before they put them on.
• Give the first grader 50 cents extra to buy a treat with her lunch.
• Have your boys’ favorite band (yeah – that one!) playing in the car when you pick them up.
• Lower your voice and brag on your daughter to a neighbor – but make sure your daughter is within earshot and overhears!
• Pair his name with a positive adjective. “Hello, wonderful Sam!” “Come into the kitchen, Rebekah sweet.” “There’s my beautiful Shannon.”
• Do one of your son’s dreaded chores.
• Volunteer at your elementary girl’s school. (Warning, if you’re in high school or middle school, you might have to keep a LOW profile.)
• Rub your kindergartener’s back while listening to the events of their day.
• Let your sixth grader help you across the street – tuck your hand under their arm.
• Send a funny picture to your child’s cell phone. (If they have one. Ash, the Viper son thinks I’m the bad mother of the year because he doesn’t have one!)
• Burst into a silly song while driving down the road. Your child will think you’re nuts – and will get out of the car with a smile on her face.
• Have your son choose the menu for dinner.
• Instead of being grossed out by the mold in the leftovers, get out a magnifying glass and look at it up close.
• Break a family rule once in a while. (Like eat dinner together in front of the television, or let your children sleep in your bed when they aren’t sick.)
• Announce one of your child’s accomplishments on your Facebook status. (Read mine here – and Friend me!)
• And last, but not least, pull over when you see a Viper.

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I’ll never forget the very first ‘report’ I wrote for school. It was on elephants. My mother helped me use our new green and white set of World Book Encyclopedias to craft a two page discourse on the two types of elephants – African and Asian.

Over the years, no matter how complicated the assignments became, each research paper, project or essay still began with a look into the trusty green and white World Book. If the topic had a long entry, there was a handy outline at the back that could serve as a model for the outline of whatever I was writing.

Next time your child has a report, take advantage of the good, basic knowledge that is contained in an encyclopedia. The core knowledge is presented simply and clearly, giving your child a great foundation on which to build! There are online encyclopedias that you can use, but I still prefer to use a hard copy. Believe it or not, we used the same set of mid-60’s World Books until my aunt gave me her brown and white mid-70’s edition a couple years back. It’s amazing: according to this new set, man has actually landed on the moon!
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A reader sent this in last newsletter. It makes me want to go do chores with her!

I wanted to throw something out there for working moms who feel like they’re always picking up “everyday clutter” constantly, and have a hard time staying organized and caught up.

I have two children, ages 8 and 14, with ADD (one inattentive, one hyperactive). I have found that when I say, “clean your room, and help pick up the house”, I don’t always get a good response, at least not to my satisfaction. Being a working mom, I have had to let go of having the show-room look, but I do like to keep things picked up. So, about once a week, after dinner, I say, “alright, everyone … it’s time to play WHAT’S NEXT?!” At first I get groans, and sighs, but they get into the “game” pretty quickly. Here’s what we do. We start at one end of the house, and I literally hand out commands, left and right, such as “Go empty this trash can, and bring back a new trash bag with it”, “Grab the broom for me”, “go put the Rainbow vacuum together for me, including water in the bowl”, “take this laundry to the laundry room”, “go put this hairbrush in the bathroom drawer (not sure why it’s in the middle of the living room)”, “pick up all the little air-soft gun BB’s in this room”, etc.

While they’re “gone”, I wipe down cabinets and mirrors, vacuum that room, dust, etc. , always looking for what they can do as soon as they get back, sometimes looking into the next room, so that no time is wasted. The goal is for them to run do the task, and come back and say, “WHAT NEXT!?” Of course, it turns into a contest for who can run do their task, and make it back before the other one.

It turns into a lot of fun, and the whole house gets clean, except for the mopping and laundry, which I’m glad to do, since my whole house just got a good basic cleaning in less than an hour or so. Oh yes, and each time, I add “wipe down the base boards”, “dust the blinds”, and/or “dust the ceiling fans” (well, I do this last one) on just one room in the house, so that all of these things get a once-over every few weeks. They also get the benefit of having help with the basics of their own room (especially the 8-year-old), since we’re all working together, helping each other. For anyone with more than one child, anyway, this is a great way to get a lot done, very quickly, without having to spend a whole weekend cleaning.
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