Archive for March, 2009
I’ve made two blog posts about chores, recently:
The Chore of Chores discusses the importance of getting our kids to do chores. Chore List lists guidelines for deciding which chore a child can do.
The fact remains, however, that kids don’t like to do chores. So how do you get them to cooperate?
Do chores together. Everything is more fun with a partner. Work side by side with your child. Have your child clear the table while you wash the dishes. One of you vacuum while the other folds laundry. (Pick up those feet!) One take things off the shelves while the other dusts and wipes down the whole piece of furniture. Buy two rakes. Have a race and clean out two kitchen cabinets. See who can match the most socks. Chop vegetables together. Your child can pick up toys while you get out spring clothes.
You can also do unrelated chores – you pay bills while your child cleans the kitchen. It’s the companionship – and the oversight – that matters the most. And when possible, make a point to have a positive conversation going on.
Put on some music. Flylady is a great advocate of putting on some loud and happy music while doing chores. It’s hard to go slow or be lazy while listening to “I’m So Excited” by the Pointer Sisters. And yes, I just dated myself.
Time limit. Break out that timer and fire it up. “Ten minutes to put up the groceries, Ash!” Or, offer an incentive. “Clean the bathroom mirror well in under five minutes and I’ll swab the toilet.”
Lower your standards. I gave up long ago on trying to keep the kitchen towels separate from the kitchen rags. Now they just go in one drawer, and I know which is which. And that beautifully ornate toothbrush holder that never got clean? I ditched it for one that can be easily rinsed. Don’t match your socks – just throw them in one basket. Don’t use top sheets on your beds, just use a comforter. There are some things in your house that aren’t worth the bother it takes teaching your kids to maintain them. You know the ones that are the most important to you – the ones truly worth the trouble.
There are other standards that may need to go. Don’t require a perfectly made bed. (I am embarrassed to say that I still don’t require a made bed at all…) Don’t make your kids hang up the towels perfectly. I’m not saying to let your child do things halfway. But there is a happy medium. You just have to find it.
Bribe. Not really. I once read that a bribe was a payment for doing something bad. Any payment for doing something good was called a paycheck. Consider paying your child – in cash or in privileges – for some chores.
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Some of you may know that after years of struggling with science projects, we found some that worked so well that we put them into a package of guides and now sell them online. The guides are called 24 Hour Science Projects. The projects are experiment based, have step by step instructions, preformatted charts and graphs, and links to resources. As the title implies, they are fast and easy. Don’t let that fool you, though – kids using our guides have won lots (and lots!) of awards. And remember, we did them with our ADHD boys! Check them out 24 Hour Science Projects here.
Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Parents of forgetful and irresponsible middle schoolers – take note of the following…
Our oldest son Ron is a junior in college, but (counting one summer session) this marks his ninth college semester. We have a policy in our house that we pay half of college tuition, room and board. The boys come up with the other half – but they have to pay for all of their books. When we instituted this policy, we reasoned that it would encourage the boys to look for bargains and sell their used books.
Well, we were half right. The boys are genetically predisposed to find (or wrangle) the very best price for just about anything. Their ADHD, however, predisposes them to never get around to selling books, and to waiting until the last minute to buy their new ones.
This is 6th week of winter semester for Ron, and after ordering it last week, his last book arrived on Wednesday. The book was supposed to cost $200, and frugal Ron – even if he had the money – was not going to fork out that much. So – after checking with the professor – he ordered a previous edition. When it arrived, however, he had ordered the wrong thing. You had to feel sorry for him. He immediately emailed the vendor who was very helpful. He explained the urgency of the situation. Although it wouldn’t have been so urgent had he purchased in December when he registered for class…
Anyhow, the funny moment came when I was telling the above story to my husband. “Maybe,” he said, “maybe he’ll do better next time.”
My husband has more faith than I do! I mean, this is the ninth go round at this. But for those of you with middle schoolers – note the following. Ron knew what book to buy. That means he had to go to his list of classes and find the ISBN number of the book. He had to copy the number down correctly. And find it online. Then he had to think about how to avoid paying so much, talk to the professor about it, go back online and buy again. And he had to contact the vendor to explain the problem. This was the child that couldn’t remember to bring the directions for a project home from school just eight short years ago, much less do the project alone.
So take heart. Keep plugging away, and they will grow up…But I offer no guarantee that they’ll ever grow out of procrastinating!
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Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
Quick hint for today. When your teacher assigns end of the chapter/section questions, make sure your child reads the questions before reading the material. This helps her know what to look for as she reads. If you have a scanner or a copier at your house, copy the questions. He can jot down short answers, or mark multiple choice questions as he goes. We purchased an all in one printer/copier/fax/scanner last year, and it has been one of the best investments we’ve ever made. I absolutely cannot imagine life without it now.
Visit our website at http://www.goaskmom.com.
In a recent post, I listed five reasons that is important for us to make sure our kids do chores. You can read the list on the ADHD-Inattentive blog. But just how do we assign chores that our kids can – and will – do? Here’s your chore list:
It’s important to match the chore to the child. When you assign chores, take your child’s age, ability and personality into account. From the moment they are out of the high chair, a child can ‘dump their plate’ and put it in the sink. I have sweet memories of our little ones reaching over their heads to lob their dishes (plastic, of course) into the water. A two year old can sort and put away silverware, feed the dog (dry food) and put produce into the appropriate drawers in the refrigerator. They can also put toys where they belong – if you have assigned spots for each. A five year old can fold towels, set the table, water the dog, sweep the floor, dust, and make a bed. Most ten year olds can iron their own clothes, cook a simple meal, take the recycling bin to the street, and mop. By the time kids are twelve, there isn’t a whole lot they can’t do around the house – except drive the car!
Despite the above guidelines, some kids aren’t ready to do some chores. If you give a child a chore and they are genuinely overwhelmed with the skill involved, then assign something else. Our last son Ash, for example, has always been a whiz at cleaning out the cabinet that holds all the plastic containers and their lids. Our second son, however, was truly clueless on any of the organizational principles involved. Don’t be fooled, however. Kids can be real masters at feigning inability and ignorance.
Try not to give your child too many chores that they absolutely hate. I, for example, hate to mop. (I’ve mentioned this before…) Were I a child, I would not assign myself mopping as a daily chore. If your child likes to be outside, give her more outdoor jobs. And if your son likes to be in the kitchen, give him responsibilities there.
Give specific instructions. Your child – especially if they are ADHD – needs for you to explain exactly what you expect for them to accomplish. Don’t just say, “Clear off the table.” Give step by step instructions, and you may want to write them down and post them:
1. Fill up the sink with water, and put all the silverware in the bottom.
2. Put lids back on all the containers like milk and ketchup and put them away. (NOT in the medicine cabinet, please.)
3. Use napkins and wipe the extra food on the plates into the trash or compost, then put the plates into the sink.
4. Put away everything else. The salt and pepper shakers and the napkin holder stay on the table. You don’t put them away.
5. Use a wet rag and wipe off the table. Pick up the salt and pepper shakers and napkin holder and wipe under them.
6. Push the chairs under the table.
Keep reminding for momentum. For long chores (you know, the ones more than 2 minutes!), your child might lose focus. Reminders are often necessary. You can give verbal reminders (sometimes known as nagging), flash lights, or set off a timer to ding at regular intervals. Our boys used to fight over the Triple Tell Timer. (We have a whole page of recommended timers and reminders here.) Another option is to put on a song, and tell your child the end of the song is her cue to get back on track. We’ve also tried giving rewards for finishing a chore within a certain amount of time.
Do a quality check. This is the downfall of many a chore. Don’t expect perfection, but do expect your child to have done their very best. And if they haven’t, make them do it over (and maybe over again – and again). They will be very offended as you point out their mistakes. Don’t cave.
Recognize a job well done. Whether you offer verbal praise, a financial reward, or an hour of television or gaming – thank your child for their help, and affirm their efforts.
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I get lots of feedback from newsletters, which I appreciate – and enjoy – very much. One reader, an ADHD mom, had read about my mixed feelings when our oldest son Ron decided to go back on medication. (Ron is in college.) She sent me the most interesting thought. Like Ron, she is on medication, which initially made her feel very guilty. She wrote that she now considers the ADHD medication, “a daily reminder that I can’t do it on my own, I have to leave it to God.” Cool thought, which I immediately passed on to Ron. By the way, Ron says the meds continue to make a HUGE and important difference for him. His grades reflect that difference.
Our decision about putting one of our sons on medication is chronicled here.